The Vet (dun dun dunnnnnn!)

Me: Hey, Dimitri! *grabs* *leashes*
Dimitri: WTF? *purrs*
Me: To the vet!
Dimitri: Wait, did you say vet?
Me: Er, no? *walks to car*
Dimitri: I'm outside! OH SHIT! I am going to the vet! I shall shed until he lets me go! *sheds for great justice* *stops purring*
Me: *drives*
Dimitri: *yaowls* Help! I am being catnapped!
Me: You're not fooling anyone, you know.
Dimitri: You ARE taking me to the vet, you bastard!
Me: *grabs cat* *walks into vet*
Dimitri: *sobs*
Vet: And how's he doing?
Dimitri: He will leave me alone if I show that I am lovable. *purrs*
Vet: Well, he's thirteen pounds, which is okay for a cat of his size. His teeth are okay.
Me: Yeah, I know. I should be brushing them but I'm not. We're feeding them dental treats instead.
Vet: Well, they seem to be good for that.
Dimitri: *promises death in a thousand cuts* *purrs*
Vet: He's purring. And shaking.
Me: Yeah, he does that. The shaking means he's scared.
Vet: And the purring?
Me: Means it's a day that ends in 'y'.
Dimitri: I hate you all. *purrs*
Vet: *checks* *pokes* *prods*
Dimitri: *thinks about hissing* *looks at me* *glares* *purrs*
Vet: Well, he's in perfect health. *hands over rabies tag*
Me: Great! *grabs cat*
Vet-tech: You bring his cage in?
Me: Nah, I use the harness.
Vet-tech: They're really well trained.
Me: *blush* Thank you!
Dimitri: I may be purring but I will kill you in your sleep nonetheless. *purrs*
Me: *pays vet*
Dimitri: *hides behind plant in corner*
Me: I can see you, you know.
Dimitri: Lies!
Me: And hear you!
Dimitri: Nuh-uh!
Me: You're purring.
Dimitri: Am not! *purrs*
Me: *brings cat home*
Dimitri: How do I hate, thee, let me count the ways. *runs under bed* *purrs*
Me: You're welcome.