Olives

Chess: Hi, Daddy, whatcha doing?
Me: Watching Rome, eating olives.
Chess: Can I have some?
Me: You won't like 'em. They're plant.
Chess: You don't know that.
Me: Okay, here. *holds up olive*
Chess: *sniffs* *tentative lick* YUCK! You didn't tell me this was plant!
Me: Yeah, I did.
Chess: *lays down* Pet me.
Me: But I--
Chess: Pet! ME!
Me: Fine. Not like I'm doing anything else or anything.
Chess: Yay, pettins!
Me: I could hook you up to a generator. Hold on. *gets up and grabs soft thing*
Chess: Yay, soft thing! Best Daddy ever!
Me: *pet pet pet* *rub rub rub*
Chess: *purr purr purr* You're not going to let me eat the soft thing, are you?
Me: No.
Chess: 'Kay. I'm done, then. *walks off*
Me: Hey, this would be a cute write up. *type type type*
Chess: *looks at me* *jumps up onto coffee table behind the laptop*
Me: Um, Chess, I'm sitting right here.
Chess: OH CRAP. You weren't supposed to see me. *runs across the table and jumps down* *impertinent meep*