Me: Hey, look at this book I got. It's full of knit toys!
Wife: Neat. Hey, is that a pattern for garlic?
Me: Yes?
Wife: You should totally make that for Dimitri*.
Me: ...do we have any loose catnip?
Wife: *evil laugh*
Me: *knit* *knit knit* *knit knit knit*
Wife: *hands over bag of catnip*
Me: *stuffs garlic* *funnels in catnip* *stuffs some more*
Dimitri: I smell yummy. What's going on?
Me: *dangles garlic in front of cat and then tosses it*
Dimitri: Catnipcatnipcatnipcatnipcatnip! *pounce* *kicky feet* *breaks its neck* CATNIP!
Chess: I don't get it.
*Dimitri is named after a vampiric priest.
Wife reminded me that Dimitri also has a habit of eating my cloves of pickled garlic. And I am never ever ever allowed to feed him those again because they create, and I quote, "Weapons of ass destruction."
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